Day 2: Any behavior that's not love is a call for love

for the 2nd day, I admit, I was too busy to work on the task.. am not sure if I was avoiding it.. but 1 thing I'm sure is that I will not be able to do a task every day, as I will be rushing thru it and it will defeat the purpose.. so I decided that I will impose a 3-day for each exercise, taking time to get into the feel and so then can do better.. =)

So for the 1st exercise, I will get past it as that was quite a straightforward one.. however for the day 2 exercise, I was at a loss.. didnt know what it was trying to tell me, so I mulled over it for a while.. it says that if there's a person who is constantly attacking me, its actually a call for help.. which means that the person is calling for help on a particular matter... hmmm.. very very deep... I will need to think over it..

So based on my 3-day timeline, I will use 1 day to understand what's the exercise and day 2 & 3 to experience the lesson.

Okie in another post, I will review about 2 movies we caught at Tampines today, Jennifer's body and The Blue Mansion

1st Day: Intimacy can heal anything

Okie, 1 day has passed. Embarking on my new task/project, I started on the 1st exercise based on the quote: Intimacy can heal anything.
Before any of you guys think otherwise, intimacy in POV language is more of opening up and approaching ur partner with open arms. Moving forward and toward your partner will lead you to a "joining" which will result in a synergy and postive engery on the relationship.

Many a times, we will feel tired, bored, deadness, fear and sense of unworthiness in a relationship (can be any forms of relationships, friendship, kinship etc), so Chuck suggested that when we truly move toward our partner the answer to these problems will come. There is a new level of connectedness, which will heal anything. Note: Moving toward our partner does not mean giving in to the him/her nor compromising on our own values. It is simply moving toward them in love.

Exercise: I must imagine what are the problems I faced with my idenitified partner and with that clearly in mind, I will then have to imagine moving toward them. Passing all problems and moving closer to them... and at the point of joining, I would have moved past the problems and everything that is hindering the relationship from moving forward.

This can be applied to any forms of relationship, in fact I tried it on a friend whom I believe I told u all in the earlier post that I seemed to have lost... I called out to her today and gave her a hug, at the brief moment, I "poured" my love for her and tell her that I love her and she's a very dear friend of mine. I dunno if she felt anything, but I sure do feel happier after the hug. I felt that I've tried and I know that she may have felt something. I dun expect immediate reaction frm her, but I believe that by "loving" her in my own manner, she will feel it one day. And by "loving" someone unconditionally, I would be able to live a happier life as I do not have expectations and thus no disappointments.

Other than her, of coz I tried on my own partner, i.e. my darling. I felt that I need to get past the problems of trust and lack of self-worth (on my end) and today of all days, I was "thrown" many tests, with the pressure from work, I got irritated by him and I start having nana thoughts. But I steered myself back and told myself that I need to get past these problems and move toward him truly and sure enough, the feeling of distrust dissipiated. I know this may be a baby step I've made today, but I'm glad I made this baby step, coz I am 1 baby step closer to him. =)

Okie, tomorrow's exercise will be: "Any behaviour that is not love is a call for love"

(have a strong feeling this is to do with family....)

Okie peeps, gonna slp soon as I have a long day tomorrow. Nitey everyone and love u guys. *muacks*

Sudden Thought.....

Had a sudden thought.. was just flipping thru my little trusted book from Chuck Spezzano, "If it hurts, It isnt Love" and this brilliant yet "require alot of commitment" idea popped into my head.. have any of you watche Julie and Julia? Remember how Julie Powell decides to undertake 524 of Julia Child's recipes within a year?

Okie my idea is undertaking the book, which consists of 366 days (inclusive of 1 extra day for leap year!) and go thru one by one.. commiting myself to healing myself. This book is very special to me as it was my 1st-month anniversary pressie from my darling.. he knew that I've wanted this book for quite some time and he actually "secretly" bought the book and gave this to me on our 1st month anniversary... I hope by embarking on this task.. it will lead us (when i work on myself, the postive effects will be on our relationship too) to a wholesome relationship, a more loving relationship and lastly, a better and more fulfiled me.

So I am now putting this into writing that I will start this healing process from tomorrow onwards, 30 Oct will be the 1st day that I will heal myself and let Chuck lead me thru a 366-day of self healing and improvement process. This is just a little milestone of a continuous healing process and I strongly believe that with this, I will be able to be a better person, to myself and to those who love me. I will be able to exude love to everyone around me. Hopefully, will be able to "heal" the world. =)

What I will do is that every night, I will list the healing task that I will do the next day, and practise it the next day and I will also list what I went thru and what I learnt before I disclose the next day's task. =)

So for my task tomorrow, 30 Oct is: "Itimacy can heal anything"
Will elaborate on this tomorrow!!

Peeps, do encourage me to carry on this quite long term task as I go along coz I'm scared I will give up along the way... :)

Nitey everyone.. need to read up and understand what I will need to do.. :)

A quick one

Decided to blog before I start on my work, yeah brought some work back as I've been procrasinating and think its time to buck up.. okie back to what I wanna blog..

Wasnt in the best of moods these few days (or even weeks), feeling down and dejected again.. the devil inside me is creating havoc again.. and this is causing an imbalance in my views and actions.. Am feeling down coz I feel that I've lost a very dear fren of mine.. someone whom i treasure very very muchie.. was feeling this way till i had a good chat with Sleng.. she is my saviour, she always enlightens me and clarifies my mind.. she highlighted the weakness that i always succumb to, i.e. jealousy or competitiveness. This is something that i try to deny and feel that its justified, but deep down inside (especially when I start to know and understand myself more) I realised that this is one thing I disliked about myself. =( This is actually a sign of my inconfidence. I always strive to "win" so to gain popularity, thinking that it will get me more frenz, get me more recognition. But I also fail to realise that my frenz and loved ones love me as I am, so long as I try my best. I shldnt even compete with myself, juz give myself truly and wholly to the cause and the best results will happen. hahaha enuff said, after a almost 2hrs talk with her, I came to realise that I need to work on myself again... start to accept who I am and not challenge anyone, not even myself. :) be at ease with myself.. I told Sleng that she's my mirror... someone who is able to show who I realli am. Am really thankful of such a friend like her.. she's a gem. *muacks*

Yesterday, went to Movies in the Park with Darling and the office gang, bought some food and snacks.. food was swiped out, but left alot of water (hahaha yah i was kiasu until I insist to buy a 5.5l bottle of water) coz i reckon that most pple dun wanna drink too much in case need to Q for toilet.. the 1st movie was Ironman, good show, but due to the crowd, cant really hear the movie (too many pple ard talking). Most of the gang (in fact all the gang left after the 1st movie) and Darling and I decided to stay on for a while more before making our way back. The 2nd movie was Transformers 2, it was so captivating that we finished the movie (coz found a better spot and the view was unblocked) and made our way back to his place. We slept like babies, woke up only at 1pm.. hahahaha...

Today, had a minor arguement with him.. I stormed off (very stupid of me, but think its PMS) and I was tearing and thinking of what we argued.. =( realised that it was my fault to jump too conclusions 1st, but felt that he shld have given chase lah(that's what happen in the movies mah). Anyway, I msged him when i reached home and after a few msgs (in the midst, i dozed off), we patched things up. I know that I shldnt be so headstrong, bt I've got my reasons too. We kinda talk things out and everything is back to normal. =)

Okie lah, need to start on my work liao.. if not later dunno work until what time.. heehee.. love all peeps. =)

My 3-card reading

Was feeling down about some stuff, personal and career, so decided to do a card reading(something that I've not been doing for very very long but believe strongly in)

Here's my 1st card:
The Problem Power Struggle
from the Relationship Suit



Key concept: Attempting to get needs met; resisting another; being right; avoiding the next step

Power struggle is an attempt to get another to do things the way you want, so your needs will be met. If you win the power struggle and are able to use the other person in this way, they, having felt that they’ve lost, will seek to gain control once again. If somebody close to you loses in a power struggle with you, they go into sacrifice (see card 11), your relationship will suffer and you will also be a loser and will now have to carry them. So, if your partner (in the struggle) loses, you will have to pay the bill. Power struggle is an attempt to be right which arises from a failure to realise that the energies and perspectives of both integrate. It is actually a way of turning in the wrong direction in order to get your needs met (turning to your partner rather than taking your own next step). If you choose to move forward instead, you will reach a new level of understanding; then your partner (who seems to be your opponent) will automatically move up to the next level with you. Both your needs would then be met in this new level of joining. This is the principle of partnership: when one partner steps forward, both get the benefit. Power struggle is a projection of a conflict inside you. Generated by fear and not having needs met, it actually compounds the conflict within.

Using the card: If you get this card today, you are asked to take a look at your unsuccessful strategies for success, and now move forward. Many power struggles are a fight to protect old heartbreaks, but this strategy actually has a way of backfiring and bringing them up ‘in disguise’ in current situations. Any area you are not succeeding in demonstrates a power struggle. Many of these may be denied, hidden or so old that you are no longer aware of them. You project out on to your opponent the part of your mind you most deny and/or are most unaware of. Any problem is a form of power struggle with a significant person who may be in your present life but who also reflects someone from your past. Once you realise what the power struggle is about, you can begin to communicate, and to bridge the two sides. You can join the other person (this does not necessarily mean you are agreeing with their position), which, in some cases, may mean a joining with the energy of someone from the past. Forgiveness and trust also work well in power struggle situations. Both energies are needed for success. Resolution of the power struggle brings peace – which generates all good things, including joy, abundance and inspiration.


2nd card - The way through

The Way Through Forgiveness
from the Healing Suit




Key concept: Resolving hidden guilt in oneself; apologising for mistaken blame; reconnecting; true understanding; giving forth

This is another core healing principle: forgiveness is really self-forgiveness. If the world is simply a reflection of your own mind, if all blame and judgement are projections of your own guilt and self-attack, then forgiveness of others releases both the others and the subconscious guilt within you. Guilt is really a form of arrogance which makes life all about oneself, rather than just learning the lesson, correcting the mistake and moving on. Forgiveness puts things in perspective and brings back innocence. It returns life to ease, flow and confidence. Forgiveness is not a form of winning the competition while another fails. Nor is it about condescension or superiority. It is not deigning to grant the other mercy - which is really superiority (hidden judgement and overcompensation for guilt and feelings of inadequacy) and competition (distraction from success and fear of the next step). We fear forgiveness because we feel that we would be locked into a position of sacrifice or wounding. We feel that we are justified in our grievance or anger and that it would be stupid to give this up. Yet grievances are never about what someone else has done but in fact are about what we have not forgiven ourselves for. We are actually holding our past against them. No situation can fail unless we fail to give something. Forgiveness is simply reconnection. It is an apology for blaming others for 'crimes' you thought that you had committed. Forgiveness is the realisation that it was all just a mistake, and true understanding and a new healed situation appear. In forgiveness you finally get to give what was not given in the past. This heals you and the one being judged. One of the core dynamics of any problem is broken bonding, or separation. Guilt is the superglue of life which keeps us stuck in painful patterns and situations, while forgiveness is the solvent which releases us not only from our guilt, but also from our withdrawal, unworthiness and sacrifice, and from the feelings of deadness, exhaustion, difficulty, being stuck, valuelessness and overcompensation. As we are released from that which separates us, we are reconnected and the problem is solved.

Using the card: If you receive this card today, understand that it is important to motivate yourself to forgive, because what you don't forgive in any one person, you don't forgive in everyone, including yourself. This means that, without forgiveness, you will create distance - even with those you love the most. The power to change your situation is in your hands. Forgiveness is a choice which creates a new giving forth and a new receiving. Release your grievances so the hidden self-attack and lack of freedom will be released. If done by oneself, forgiveness is a difficult lesson, and self-forgiveness can be even harder. But you can ask your Higher Mind for help in accomplishing the forgiveness. While there are many beautiful forgiveness exercises, you could just as easily let it be done by grace. Realise that if you are blaming yourself or others, the truth is being blurred. Choose the truth. Ask to know it. Ask for the forgiveness to occur. This may happen layer by layer, or it may occur all at once. In other words, you can ask for a miracle and the whole situation can be seen in a new light.

3rd card - The Gift
The Gift Sexuality
from the Gift Suit




Key concept: A new level of vitality, naturalness, love, communication and connection

Sexuality as a Gift card is about an expression of love and communication. It means a whole new emphasis of connection with your partner. If it is about yourself, it speaks of a new level of acceptance and admittance of your sexual energy. This will give you a new expression in sexuality and naturally add to your vitality, attractiveness and flow. It will bring a natural charisma and connection between you and your partner, or between you and those around you. True joining in sex creates healing and love.


Using the card: Receiving the Sexuality card suggests a new level of sexuality, innocence, expression, naturalness and connection in sex – to yourself and to others. Not only does it mean that this could be your lucky night, but also that your enjoyment of life is certainly on the increase. This card is both sweet and sassy. It doesn’t necessarily mean sex, but it does mean a new richness and naturalness for yourself in life generally and in joining with your partner. If you don’t have a partner at present, this card means you will have a level of openness toward a new one. If there is a major block in your life and the Sexuality card is the response to it, then the block represents a form of control and your fear of your sexuality. Owning your sexuality as a natural gift increases your confidence, play and irresistability. This card, joined with integrity, brings a strong leadership element into your life, and into the lives of those around you.

Hmmm.. after going thru this, got abit more clarity in my tots.. ;) Yeah baby yeah!